Me and My Great Big ...

from the album Swing 'n' Swive (2010)
music and lyrics: Joseph L. Thornburg

I ain't too bright, but I'm not too dumb
I ain't too cute, and I'm all thumbs
There's just one talent that I possess
A god-given asset

I'm on the corner and I'm waiting, honey
I like the fellows but I can't be too fussy
A fuck's a buck, a buck's a buck, and I need new shoes
So let me grand your opening

Me and my great big d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d ...

I must admit that I like my job
I'll put the butter on your corn on the cob
And if you're sweet, then you don't have to pay
Don't have much head for business anyway!

I'll trap your Venus and I'll rove your Mars
Here comes the Milky Way, so drink to the star!
I got a mighty sextant, it'll find its way
Right to your seventh planet

Me and my great big d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d ...

I'm your lovin' ravisher, I got lots of stamina
Pull out my Excalibur, make you feel spectacular
Bite my neck and I'll put a stake in your Dracula
Slide on down my banister, twinkle in my macula

They say I can't do this all my life
What will I do when I'm forty-five?
On the other hand, I know people who'll pay
To have their daddy spank them

Me and my great big d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d ...