Hand In The Picture

from the album Swing 'n' Swive (2010)
music and lyrics: Joseph L. Thornburg

I couldn't believe my luck
Famous you and nobody me
Me in a t-shirt and you in a tux
From across the gallery, our eyes did meet
Say, aren't you a leading man?
Always kissing the ladies' hands?
Do we keep this a secret to protect your career?
Is this romance the real thing
Or am I just some curious fling?

"Everything's fine, baby, everything's fine
I'm so tired of living a lie
I don't care what they say, let's go and celebrate
Powerful, famous, rich me and you"

Photo shoot for Vanity Fair
Feeling bold, I tried to give you a kiss
But you shied away, said you just caught a cold
My hand 'round your shoulder was all you'd permit
When the issue hit the stands
Pictures of you--and me, just a hand
Bachelor article, smoke over mirrors
I guess you need to maintain this charade
Famous you and invisible me

"Everything's fine, baby, everything's fine
I guess they just didn't have enough space
I want the world to see, me and you, you and me
I'll make sure it's right next time"

Nex time was the charity ball
A thousand bucks a plate, you paid of course
Music's playing, let's do the tango
Suddenly you have just sprained your ankle
And when it was Oscar night
You made your speech thanking everybody in sight
Director, producer, your chef and masseur
But it seems my name was not on your list
And it wasn't because they had to play that
"Your speech is too long, get off the stage" music!


You know, I find it kinda strange the way
You always leave things behind
"Can you go get it? I forgot it again.
And I will meet you inside"

It's a red carpet event
Oops, you forgot your wallet again
But I remembered to grab it for you
Smile for the cameras, let's pitch some woo!
Everything's fine, baby, everything's fine
Lets give the papers a challenge this time!
Try to obscure my tongue down your throat
Try to cut out my hand down your pants
Try to stop me taking off all your clothes
Try to cover up my dick up your ass
Hey! Even when you're dying of embarrassment
You still manage to pitch a tent!